| December 30,
2004... Parish the Thought (also, Tekken 5
impressions) |
As you may have heard elsewhere,
I hung out with 1UP's contributing editor Jeremy Parish the
other day, drinking in Lansing's many sights and sounds.
We'd stopped at the arcade to play Elevator Action Returns...
you wouldn't believe how tough it is for two players to work
together in that game! We'd spent a lot of time getting
stuck in elevators on the opposite ends of the screen, and
even found ourselves getting flattened by them from time to
time. The end of the game was a mad dash to defuse a
nuclear warhead and defeat the psychotic villain trying to
launch it... we brought down the bad guy, but the missile
launched anyway! I'm still trying to figure out what the
heck happened.
While there, we also noticed that
Tekken 5 had been released. It didn't seem like a vast
improvement over the previous, underwhelming games in the
series, but one thing about Tekken 5 DID really impress
me. The game is tightly integrated with the upcoming
Playstation 2 release, featuring both PS2 controller ports and
slots for MagicGate memory cards. I don't know why you'd
want to use a Dual Shock joypad when you've got an
arcade-quality stick within your reach, but the memory card
compatibility does have possibilities. It'd be great if
you could customize your character at home, then take your
creation on the go and kick ass with him at the local
arcade.
After the trip to the arcade and
a delicious sushi dinner, we took a 180 and headed to a mall,
where I found a most excellent joystick at GameStop. Any
fan of fighting or arcade games owes it to themselves to buy
Pelican's Real Arcade Stick... it's a phenomenal controller
that almost perfectly reproduces that elusive arcade feel,
long sought out by game fans and Johnny Turbo alike.
It's compatible with all three currently supported game
systems... you can even coax it to work with a Dreamcast if
you've got the right adapter. I popped in King of
Fighters: Evolution and Vampire Chronicles to test them out
with Pelican's Real Arcade Stick, and it made these fantastic
games even better. There aren't many good arcade
joysticks available for today's consoles, and the few
companies who've tried to make them have failed miserably
(man, don't even get me started on Nuby's sad, sad Soul
Calibur II stick). This makes the Pelican Real Arcade
Stick a real rarity, a gem buried under a mountain of
substandard third party game controllers. If you're
lucky enough to find one, don't let it slip out of your
hands!
| December 24,
2004... First Thoughts on the PS3 and Wii
(aka Revolution) |
First things first... Merry
Christmas, everyone! I'll be back with another update
sometime next week, after my Christmas vacation is
over.
I've seen some pictures of tech
demo footage running on the preliminary Playstation 3
hardware, and I must admit that even cynical old me is
impressed by what they've been able to do. I was
convinced that there would need to be another monumental
change in the video game industry, like the switch from 2D to
3D back in 1995, before we'd start to see video games improve
visually. However, the photos of a generic football game
(Madden?) and a generic racing game (Gran Tourismo?) changed
my mind in a hurry. I was especially impressed by the
detail of the players in the football game... they looked like
renders taken from a big budget film or television show,
rather than plain old video game characters.
It remains to be seen if the
gameplay can evolve as much as the graphics in the next
generation of systems, however. Nintendo is discussing a
completely redesigned controller for their upcoming Revolution
console... apparently, this one's not going to have a
directional pad or standard action buttons. They haven't
divulged any more information than this, but this vague
description makes it sound as though Nintendo's new controller
will be dynamic, adapting to whatever game has been inserted
into the system. This could be accomplished either with
a DS-style touchscreen or a holographic interface, similar to
the holographic keyboard which was in development for home
computers.
I guess we'll have to wait until
next year to discover what the future holds for
gamers.
| December 20,
2004... The Silent
Treatment |
To be honest, I don't have all
that much to say right now. I haven't had much
motivation for updating the site, either, but since I know
there's still a few people who come here, I've written a new
review so they won't feel like they've wasted their
time.
Hopefully I'll be in a more
verbose mood the next time I update.
| December 14,
2004... Madden-opoly |
The battle for supremacy on the
video game gridiron is over, and it's safe to declare Sega the
winner over its archrival Electronic Arts. The makers of
Sonic fought well against their competition with six years of
great football games on the Dreamcast, XBox, and Playstation
2.
However, in the end, Sega's
victory was not earned through the superiority of its
software, but by default. When Electronic Arts realized
that its crusty Madden series was bound to lose against the
equally well designed but more reasonably priced ESPN line of
sports games, the software giant took its ball (and an
exclusive licensing agreement with NFL) and stormed home,
crying like a knock-kneed, yellow-bellied sissy.
Congratulations, Sega! You
may have lost millions of dollars in sales thanks to
Electronic Arts' underhanded scheming, but in the eyes of
gamers everywhere, you're still the champ.
| December 9,
2004... Furries at the Renaissance
Fair. Now THAT'S
Geeky! |
A funny thing happened to me on
the way to the pawn shop, where they were holding my reserved
copy of Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles. I took a
detour down to a nearby Goodwill to scope out their supply of
compact discs, and found something rather unusual hidden among
the Christmas albums and outdated PC software. It was an
adventure game called Inherit The Earth, released by New World
Computing for the Macintosh. That doesn't sound too out
of the ordinary, but there's an oddball twist to this King's
Quest clone... it features an all-furry cast!
This quirky quality made the game
impossible to resist, even though I don't get much use out of
the Power Macintosh in the corner of my room. If nothing
else, Inherit The Earth gives me an excuse to wake the old
girl from her slumber and put her through her
paces.
While I'm on the subject of
medievel quests with animal stars, there was a late
Playstation release starring a daring fox adventurer,
swashbuckling his way through a dangerous journey apparently
inspired by the Nintendo 64 Legend of Zelda games. Does
anyone remember the name of this game, or if it was any
good? I recall seeing it at a video rental store once...
I wanted to try it, but I never heard anything about it (even
after a thorough online search) and wasn't sure if it was
worth the three dollars.
| December 8,
2004... Hypertext
Hangups |
There were a couple of problems
with the layout, stemming from flaws with my web site editing
tool (thanks to Liquid Sky from the Atari Age forums for
warning me about this). For some idiotic reason, it
insists on making all the links to the images absolute rather
than relative. What this means is that the HTML tries to
find files on my hard drive, rather than the server where they
actually reside. I haven't been able to find a way to
force the references to remain relative when I enter them, so
I may just give up and switch to a different site editor, like
NVu. I've dabbled with this software before, and
although I didn't like the interface quite as much as
CutePage's, I may need to make the switch anyway. It's a
total pain in the ass to upload all the files to the
Overclocked server, only to discover that they're formatted
improperly and that I've got to edit and reload
them.
| December 7,
2004... Sharkjump Squarepants (also,
Dark Cloud 2) |
So last weekend, I watched the
Spongebob Squarepants movie... or as I like to call it, the
exact moment when the franchise went down the toilet.
When you watch a cinematic extension of a popular television
series, you expect the increased length and higher budget to
enhance the experience. In this case, however, these
qualities actually distract the writers from coming up with
the kind of wacky, wild humor that made the television show
such a success. They're so busy travelling down the
tired path of cinematic clichès (a quest to prove the worth of
the heroes, emotional near-death experiences, and pointless
celebrity guests) that they forget all about keeping the
audience laughing. I went into the theatre expecting to
bust a gut, but left with barely a bruise.
There are a few good moments in
the film... nearly every scene with the wave cruisin',
pectoral muscle flexin' David Hasselhoff was hilarious.
His appearance in the film perfectly merged Baywatch satire
with the inventive saltwater silliness we've come to expect
from the Spongebob Squarepants series. There were also a
handful of great lines, making fun of everything from tacky
seaside souvenirs to the pomposity of NPR listeners.
Unfortunately, these brief flashes of inspiration came too
infrequently to rescue the film from its mediocrity, much like
the salmon which desperately flops around on the shore before
it acknowledges that its glory days are over and that its
dying moments will be spent in the crushing jaws of a hungry
bear.
I can't help but think that the
above simile not only describes the Spongebob Squarepants
movie, but the franchise as a whole. The television show
is still fun to watch, but I've been tuning in less and less,
suggesting that it may be time for Nick to stop wringing the
sponge dry and concentrate on creating fresh new cartoons
(preferably ones with characters you can tolerate for more
than thirty minutes).
Oh yeah, I forgot this was a
video game site. All right, how's this for gaming
coverage? I rented Dark Cloud 2 a few weeks ago,
expecting it to serve up the same boring gameplay and ugly
graphics as its predecessor. I was pleasantly surprised
to discover that there was a whole lot more to the sequel...
like a whimsical fantasy setting, a wide selection of playable
characters, and a deep power-up system that lets you
"spectrumize" existing items to unlock their hidden potential,
or combine them to create new weapons and tools. Even
the voice over acting is pretty impressive... although after a
couple hours, you'll start to wonder when Max will dig a black
mask out of his overalls, defiantly point toward his enemies,
and shout, "Titans, GO!!!"
That joke bombed pretty badly
with Jeremy. Hopefully, someone somewhere will
appreciate it more than he did. I'm not holding my
breath for that, though.
| December 1, 2004...
Let's Do the Royal Warp
Again |
You may think you've found
everything in Katamari Damacy. You've tracked down every
last object on Earth, including all your brightly colored
cousins and the King's many carelessly scattered
presents. Well, there's one more thing you might not
know about, and I'm here to tell you how to discover it for
yourself. Get ready to ride the Royal Warp!
All right, here's what you'll
need to do. Start the game and select the Taurus stage
(or, if you haven't gotten that far yet, keep playing until
you've unlocked it). At the beginning of the round,
instead of rolling the katamari forward, reverse direction and
take the light brown path up the hill. You'll reach a
grove of trees. Roll past those and over the edge of the
nearby cliff. You'll fall into the ocean. From
here, you need to turn left and follow the edge of the cliff
wall until you reach a shore populated by oxen. This
will take a while, so be patient and keep rolling. Once
you find the beach, look carefully for a vertical edge where
the sand meets the grass. This is your target.
Roll the ball into this partition, then move backward... you
should sink into the sand and vanish from the face of the
Earth!
After about fifteen seconds, dear
old dad comes to the rescue, pulling you out of the void and
returning you to Earth. The usually cavalier and self-centered
King even breaks character and apologizes for the
unfortunate incident!
Remember, this trick is just for fun. This
won't increase the size of your katamari, and you won't be
compensated for all the time you lost while floating in the
vacuum of space. It's just one of those well-hidden
design flaws that's fun to show your friends, like walking
through brick walls in Super Mario Bros., or that brief moment
in Spawn where the game actually seemed kind of fun.
"Which Spawn game," you say? Heh, take your
pick.
| November 30,
2004... Nintendo DS First
Impressions |
I had my chance to test out the
Nintendo DS over the past week, thanks to my manager at work
and an old friend of mine who's currently writing for
Ziff-Davis. Out of the small handful of the games I've
played so far, only Feel the Magic: XY/XX demonstrates the
system's full potential. Not only are the game's
stylish, smoothly animated silhouettes impressive by the once
humble standards of handheld systems, but Feel the Magic makes
full use of the system's integrated peripherals. You'll
be sweeping sharp tacks from the street to make room for
speeding shopping carts, frantically tapping in numbers to
open the parachutes of hapless plane jumpers, and blowing out
candles, using your very own breath.
Feel the Magic offers a level of
interaction you're just not going to find in any other game,
which sadly includes the other titles released for the
Nintendo DS. Metroid Prime Hunters and Super Mario 64 DS
are fine games in their own right, but they only use half the
system's full potential. The graphics are fantastic
(people have frequently compared the DS to the Nintendo 64,
but trust me, Metroid Prime Hunters looks better than anything
you've ever seen on the N64) and the stereo sound is even
better, but the touchscreen and microphone are wasted on these
games. The control in both games is clumsy, especially
in Super Mario 64 DS, where the simulated analog thumbstick
keeps moving out of the reach of your thumb.
The Nintendo DS is a pretty good
system, but future games are going to have to demonstrate why
Nintendo included two screens, a microphone, and a touchpad in
the design. These features are the only advantages
that the DS has over the PSP... Nintendo needs to make the
most of them now, so gamers will understand what truly
distinguishes the system from its future
competitor.
| November 29,
2004... Show, Don't
Tell |
Katamari Damacy review.
Tomorrow. Count on it.
In the meantime, I've updated the
cartoon review page. Check that out while you're waiting
for the really good stuff.
| November 22,
2004... The Great DS Rush of
2004 |
Remember this day,
everyone. It's the day after the launch of the Nintendo
DS, a historical occasion in the history of video games.
Whether it's a success or a failure, this system will forever
have an impact on this industry, and may very well influence
the design of future game consoles.
I didn't pick up the system
myself... I plan to wait a few months, until the Nintendo DS
has a stronger software library and the price has dropped so
that it can better compete against the upcoming Sony
PSP. However, I've been checking the stock available (or
in most cases, NOT available) at retail stores in my area, and
talking to folks who've purchased the system about its
features.
The first thing I've discovered
is that the system has been selling quite well at most
locations, but it's not impossible to find if you know where
to look. I found six Nintendo DS units at a K-Mart in
Greenville, but some forty miles away, the Meijer was
completely out of stock. A friend of a friend had told
me that nearly every location in Lansing had sold out.
This suggests that you're better off hunting for the system in
a smaller town, where people don't take their gaming quite as
seriously and the demand for the DS isn't nearly as
strong.
After arriving home, I called a
friend who vowed that he would get his hands on the system by
any means necessary. He wasn't around, but his
girlfriend assured me that yes, he did manage to find a
Nintendo DS. In fact, she bought one of her own to sell
on eBay, a tactic that should be familiar to anyone who
remembers the launch of the Playstation 2.
She decided to keep the second
system in the box to increase its resale value, so she
couldn't test the PictoChat feature with her main
squeeze. However, what she COULD tell me about the
system was both enlightening and very encouraging.
Apparently, Super Mario 64 DS has tons of replay value... it's
overflowing with dozens of mini-games, which are unlocked with
every stage you complete. I'm also told that the game
"looks just like a cartoon"... I'm not entirely convinced of
that after watching the footage on G4, but if she's impressed
with the game, there's a good chance that a lot of other
players will be, too.
The strangest thing about the
system is that you've actually got to register it after you
open the box. You don't get a choice in the matter...
you can't play games until you've entered your name and other
information into the Nintendo DS. I'm not sure if this
data is sent directly to Nintendo using the system's wi-fi
capabilities, or how it's stored, or even if the information
can be reset later. If the registration makes permanent
changes to the system, it'll be a whole lot tougher to sell it
later when Nintendo releases their next handheld
system.
When I arrive at work later
today, I'll have a chance to experience the Nintendo DS for
myself. My manager picked up the system on launch day
and has been showing it to everyone he knows. Now, if I
had saved the money that I'd spent on my Game Boy Advance SP,
along with an extra fifty dollars, I could be playing the DS
right along with him, rather than waiting for a turn up to
bat. There's no use crying over foolishly spent money,
though... I'm sure I'll get my chance next year, when the
price on the system drops.
| November 20,
2004... Catching Up With Depeche Mode- er,
Playstation 2 |
It's that special time again...
the time when families gather to enjoy the bounty of the fall,
and when Jess catches up on his gaming knowledge by playing
all those first generation Playstation 2 games he missed when
the system was first released.
Thanks to a special holiday sale
at the local pawn shop, I was able to pick up a handful of
critically acclaimed PS2 games, all released within a year of
the system's launch. I didn't own a Playstation 2 until
a couple of years after it came out, so I missed a lot of high
profile titles... games like Jak and Daxter, Gran Tourismo 3:
A Spec, and Dark Cloud. I've rectified the situation by
picking up all three of these games, for less than ten dollars
a piece.
First, there's Gran Tourismo
3. I always dismissed Gran Tourismo as an overrated Sony
exclusive which didn't merit the praise it constantly
received. Of course, that wasn't an especially informed
opinion, since I'd only played a demo of the original back
when I'd gotten my first Playstation back in 1998. How
do I feel about it now? Well, if nothing else, it's
pretty. Compared to its Dreamcast counterpart Metropolis
Street Racer, Gran Tourismo 3 comes out ahead with a faster
frame rate and more detailed tracks. The soundtrack is
also pretty catchy, featuring modern covers of everything from
99 Luftballoons to Are You Gonna Go My Way? However,
I've got issues with the gameplay, which is much too technical
and demanding for my tastes. This isn't a game you
can jump right in and play... it takes a lot of practice
to get a feel for the handling of your vehicle, and just as
much skill to keep yourself from crashing into the guardrails
after every turn. Now, I know some people dig that kind
of realism, but as a fan of arcade racing, I just don't have
the patience for it. If I had to make a choice between
Gran Tourismo 3 and Metropolis Street Racer, I'd throw them
both in a drawer and just play Crazy Taxi or Hydro Thunder
instead.
I enjoyed Jak and Daxter much
more, although its qualities weren't immediately
apparent. At first, it just seemed like another
cookie-cutter platformer from the creators of Crash Bandicoot,
but as I continued to play I started noticing what really sets
the game apart from Naughty Dog's past work. The most
important distinguishing characteristic is that the playfield
is far more open. There aren't levels in the traditional
sense, but one great big world, comprised of different lands
which you can explore at your own whim. There's a sense
of freedom here that's missing from most 3D platformers, which
force you to collect items and abilities that act as keys to
new locations. Although the graphics seem a bit dated, I
was pretty impressed with the voice acting, made appropriately
cartoony by industry professionals like Futurama's David
Herman. They even hired Max Casella, Doogie Hauser's
unwisely chosen best friend, to do what he does best... play
an obnoxious, weasel-like sidekick. Now that's great
casting!
Finally, there's Dark
Cloud. What sounds like a low-grade brand of toilet
paper is in reality, an adventure game in the vein of Gateway
to Apshai, with just a touch of territorial development thrown
in for zest. Jeremy Parish, the editor of Toastyfrog,
once said that dungeon crawlers like Dark Cloud can be
strangely addictive, even when they're not particularly well
designed. I'd tend to agree with that statement, but at
the same time, Crimson Tears' approach to this style of
unending exploration is a lot more appealing thanks to its
crisp, futuristic graphics and a far more exciting combat
system. You could say that the ability to create (or
more accurately, reorganize) your own towns in Dark Cloud
makes up for its boring monster battles, but to me, it feels
like this feature distracts you from the core gameplay rather
than enhancing it. I don't know, maybe I need to spend
more time with this one. If Dark Cloud is anything like
Crimson Tears (and believe me, it is), there's no doubt that I
will.
I also bought a ludicrously cheap
copy of Ninja Gaiden for the XBox... not for me, but for my
manager at work, who bought the system a couple of months
ago. You'd think that he'd be having a lot more fun with
this freshly released, state-of-the-art action game than I
would with three crusty old Playstation 2 titles. Funny
thing about that, though... he's already stuck in the first
stage, stopped in his tracks by a rocky cliff wall. When
people said this game was tough, they weren't
kidding!
| November 17,
2004... Katamari Damacy First
Impressions |
I've finally received Katamari
Damacy in the mail. Even after watching the review on
X-Play and reading a half dozen opinions of it on the
Internet, I was still taken aback by how utterly strange it
is. Just reading the dialogue (provided by the foppish,
self-absorbed, and just slightly insane King of All Cosmos) is
the kind of mindbending experience that no Earthly drug could
provide. However, it is pretty entertaining... not as
fun as others have led me to believe, but I'm sure it will get
better as I work my way up from the humble beginning and earn
the opportunity to roll over larger, more exciting items than
dead mosquitos and stray shogi pieces.
| November 11,
2004... Art
Attack |
You know you've made your mark as
an Internet personality when your characters get mocked in
shitty webcomics, published on third rate online art
galleries. I mean, really, Sheezy Art? What, this
guy couldn't even get into Side 7?
I have to admit, I was pretty
depressed for the past couple of months. I felt that my
site was losing its relevance... that my contributions to the
gaming community no longer mattered. Just when I lost
all hope in The Gameroom Blitz; just when I thought the site
was a waste of my time, along comes some random cretin on the
Internet whose primitive, backstabbing scribbles have
reaffirmed my faith in my work. Thank you, hamhanded,
lobotomized fool, for proving to me that The Gameroom Blitz
still has meaning and purpose. If my web page can bother
just one mouth breathing idiot enough that he takes a break
from his G4 marathons and his Grand Theft Auto to draw sad,
humorless parodies of my characters, the past eight years have
completely been worth my time.
Here's a word of advice to the
rest of the dimwits who have a problem with this site, and the
opinions expressed within it. I edit The Gameroom Blitz
for only one person, and it ain't you. If you can't
handle that, there's the door. Feel free to let it hit
you in the ass, the face, and the groin (repeatedly) on the
way out.
| November 8,
2004... Handheld Commando (Metal Slug Advance
review) |
I'm amazed at the quality of
Metal Slug Advance. This is SNK's first release for the
GBA (remember, other companies were responsible for King of
Fighters EX and its sequel) and already they're kicking ass
with a great shooter that merges the fantastic audiovisuals of
the Neo-Geo games with the deep gameplay of the spinoffs on
the Neo-Geo Pocket.
First, the bad news (and there
isn't much of it). The level design isn't quite as good
as it was in the first two Metal Slug titles, where the game
told a story as you played it, rather than waiting to do this
with intermissions at the end of each stage. Instead, it
feels as though the designers of Metal Slug Advance have just
thrown together bits and pieces from previous games in the
hopes of creating what seem like new missions. Also,
it's worth noting that the game is tough. Weapons are in
short supply, and the enemies have an annoying tendency of
regenerating when you walk back to collect items you may have
missed. Finally, the Metal Slug tradition of stealing
all your prisoners and items when you die is even more
annoying here, because they sometimes offer your character
permanent benefits. However, you don't get that armor
plating and super-sized ammo clips if you can't complete the
stage in which they were collected, making it even more
important to stay alive, no matter what occurs.
If you can get past the
difficulty and the familiarity of the stages, you'll find that
Metal Slug Advance is the best game of its kind on the Game
Boy Advance. The graphics are only slightly downscaled
from Metal Slug on the Neo-Geo, with the same lush colors and
detailed shading but less animation and a more cramped view of
the action. However, the sound is incredible, featuring
the same powerful military themes as its big brother on the
Neo-Geo, along with crystal clear voice and booming
explosions. Most importantly, the game is a whole lot
more fun than the other side-scrolling shooters on the Game
Boy Advance. You no longer have to settle for cheap
imitations like Lilo and Stitch or Turok Evolution if you want
a handheld Metal Slug fix... Metal Slug Advance is the real
deal!
| November 5, 2004... On
the Ball |
At long last, I've found a place
where I can conveniently purchase Katamari Damacy! The
local Family Video offers a handy service where you can order
any game for a currently supported system and have it
delivered straight to your house, with shipping thrown in for
free! You just can't beat a deal like that.
So in a few days, I'll finally
get my chance to roll a sticky ball over anything and
everything in my path. Now that's entertainment!
At least, that's what everyone else who's played it has been
telling me.
| November 1,
2004... Brains: The Other White
Meat |
Wow... it's already
November. Time just keeps on slippin' into the future,
doesn't it? Who can believe that we're already in the
21st century? Next thing you know, there'll be space
travel and feisty gold robots and, and... cobra-shaped rings
that produce phallic shafts of light. Yes, I don't have
anything to talk about, and yes, I watched Spaceballs over the
weekend.
That's only half true,
actually. I spend much of Saturday hanging out at Chris
Larson's house, playing games ranging from King of Fighters
'99 to good old fashioned foosball. I forgot how much I
enjoyed the former game... and how much I stink at the latter
one. The editor of Stage Select (formerly Fatman Games)
also took me on a trip through his neighborhood, starting at a
nearby game store and ending up at his favorite Chinese
restaurant. After bringing all that great food back to
the house, we capped off the evening by striking up a
discussion with Chris' wife and friends, then watching the
remake of Dawn of the Dead. I'm not fond of horror
movies, but any film with a sniper blowing away a zombie Jay
Leno has to have SOMETHING going for it!
I've got to thank Chris for his
hospitality. Work's been pretty stressful lately and
this trip helped relieve some of that tension.
| October 29,
2004... Subparman |
There's a new review, courtesy of
faithful GRB contributor Tony Bueno. Coming soon, John
Roche sees red (and green) in his review of Superman for the
Nintendo 64, commonly known as "gamer's
Kryptonite."
| October 27, 2004... Oh,
Joy! (the PC JoyBox peripheral
review) |
I couldn't get yesterday's update
to load due to issues with my steadily failing USB pen
drive. This was a frustrating turn of events, because I
very desperately wanted the update to coincide with the
release of Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas (even though what I'd
written had nothing to do with the game at all). Oh
well... at least you should be seeing it NOW.
Before I go, I've got a word of
advice for those of you looking for a good controller for your
home computer. End the search now, because you're not
going to find one. Instead, purchase a PC JoyBox from a
supplier of import accessories like Jandaman.com. Let me
tell you, this thing SMOKES. Not only is it
automatically recognized by your computer, but its performs
beautifully with either Saturn or Playstation controllers...
there's no lag whatsoever, making all your games on your PC
just as fun as they were on those two systems.
When used wisely, the two joypads
can handle pretty much anything you throw at them. The
Japanese and second run Saturn pads are perfect for fighters
and other fast-action arcade games which require precise
digital input, while the mountain of buttons and sticks on the
Playstation Dual Shock pad is great for emulating more
advanced systems like the Nintendo 64.
Words cannot express how happy I
am with the PC JoyBox. If you love emulators, but the
many crappy joysticks designed specifically for PCs are making
the experience less appealing than it could be, you absolutely
must have one of these adapters. It's the best twenty
bucks you'll ever spend.
| October 26, 2004... The
Thousand Year Dork |
It's Tuesday. October 26th,
to be precise, and you know what THAT means! Everyone's
playing that hot new video game everyone's been dying to get
their hands on for years. Yes, it's another game in the
series that made a swarthy, tackily-dressed Italian
famous. I'm talking about none other than... Paper
Mario: The Thousand Year Door!
That other game is getting plenty
of publicity... G4's even gone so far as to devote an entire
day of programming to it. I'd much rather talk about
sequel to the Nintendo 64's best role-playing game, Paper
Mario. I really enjoyed what I've played so far, and
there are definitely improvements over the previous
game. Remember how you'd get frustrated with the buddy
characters in the first Paper Mario, who never contributed as
much to the fights as Mario himself? That's been
fixed... there's a lot more you can do with them now, making
the battles less monotonous. Your partners have a lot
more personality now, too. The character designs are
more distinctive, so instead of hanging out with a plain old
Koopa or Boo, you get a shy turtle wearing a sweatshirt and
band-aids, and an immense ghostly diva with a crush on
Mario.
I'm not entirely convinced that
the game is better than the original Paper Mario,
however. The levels are woefully short for an RPG, and
they're not as cleverly designed as they were in the previous
game. Parts of the game had left me frustrated and
confused due to goals that were unclear and paths that were
needlessly obscured. Your first partner character,
Goombella, does offer advice to help you get through these
tight spots, but it's not always enough. You're going to
need a FAQ for this one... just try to resist the temptation
to look ahead! Some of the plot twists sandwiched
between each level are a shocking surprise.
In general, the storyline is
well-written and quite entertaining. I appreciate the
fact that the American translators are trying to give the
characters in the Mario universe more depth, despite their
paper-thin appearance. Some of the jokes are pretty
clever as well... you won't be laughing quite as hard as you
did when you were playing Mario and Luigi: Superstar Saga, but
you'll be laughing all the same.
Is Paper Mario: The Thousand Year
Door the game of the year? As much as I'd like to say
so, no, it isn't. However, it's so full of vibrance and
life that it's bound to wind up on your top ten list.
It's certainly a nice change of pace from the reckless
violence in that OTHER recently released video
game.
| October 20,
2004... It's Not Just a Chore, It's an
Adventure! |
It's a slow news day, and I
haven't played Katamari Damacy yet (although it hasn't been
for lack of trying, believe me...). I guess StarFox will
be the subject of the day, since I just took StarFox
Adventures back to the rental store and the English
translation patch for StarFox 2 was recently
released.
A lot of people hated StarFox
Adventures. I can understand why, as it was a huge
departure from the previous games in the series. Having
played over a dozen extremely loose NES adaptations of popular
arcade titles, I can understand the frustration that can
result from this kind of false advertising. Still, it is
worth pointing out that Dinosaur Planet was originally
designed as its own series... the association with StarFox
just came later, when development shifted from the N64 to the
GameCube.
If you can get past the tacked on
license, you've got to admit that StarFox Adventures isn't an
entirely bad game. If nothing else, it's got some of the
most fantastic graphics you'll see on the GameCube, with
rendered characters so incredibly realistic you can almost
feel the soft fur and smooth, shiny scales. The quests
won't keep you up late at night like Zelda: Wind Waker did,
however... the level design is confusing, the battles are
unsatisfying, and the annoying, demanding characters don't
give you much incentive to rescue them. "Give me alpine
roots! Give me GrubTub fungus! Give me this, give
me that!" After a couple hours of dealing with these
ungrateful, uncooperative idiots, I felt like jumping into the
Arwing and flying as far away from the forsaken planet as
possible. Those stupid woolly mammoths can do their OWN
chores for once.
I'll admit it, the game even
started to get on my nerves after a while. However,
StarFox Adventures is a competant adventure that gets entirely
too much grief for not meeting the expectations of Nintendo
fans. Yes, it's not really StarFox, but at the same
time, it's not a bad game in its own right.
| October 14,
2004... Buried
Treasures |
Don't mind me... I'm just here to
do some much needed maintenence on the site. Now that
I've got ad banners on all the currently supported pages,
including the Saturn reviews, those annoying pop-up ads should
vanish. Those pop-ups ARE going to disappear now,
right? Right, Dave? Dude, you're starting to scare
me.
I haven't been in the mood to
update the site, so I've been spending all that free time
playing games. I picked up Midway Arcade Treasures for
my GameCube last week, and rented the sequel earlier today to
see how the two games compare. Strangely, neither of
these collections impressed me the way that Midway Arcade's
Greatest Hits for the Sega Saturn had. Sure, Midway
Arcade Treasures has a lot more games, but it's also got a lot
less content. Nearly every game on the collection warns
you that it's missing press artwork, or interviews, or a
history file, making the total package frustratingly
incomplete. There's also the issue of the overly
specialized GameCube controller, which just isn't up to the
task of bringing you arcade-quality gameplay. That's a
task better left to the Saturn's digital joypad, which offers
a level of precision you just can't get from any of today's
game systems.
Despite this, I would recommend
Midway Arcade Treasures 2 without a moment's hesitation.
It's an extremely generous collection, offering titles like
Mortal Kombat 3 and Primal Rage that were released as single
games less than ten years ago. Also, this is the first
time that a truly worthwhile version of Total Carnage has been
released for a home console. All the hilarious,
steroid-drenched gameplay that was left out of T*HQ's mediocre
Super NES version is here... you'll be gunning down thousands
of enemy soldiers while picking up American flags and being
urged to "blow up big stuff" with the bombs scattered
throughout each stage. It's not the only great game on
the disc, but it's definitely my favorite, and the only reason
I need to take this collection home for good when I get my
next paycheck.
| October 7,
2004... Activision Wins...
Anthology |
I'd recently rented Mortal
Kombat: Deception and Activision Anthology, and found myself
enjoying the collection of ancient 2600 games more than the
state-of-the-art fighting game with dozens of features and
options. That either means that I'm a hopeless Luddite,
or that everything Midway packed into the latest Mortal Kombat
can't disguise the mediocrity of the core gameplay. I
haven't decided yet.
| October 5,
2004... Giving Sonic CD a
Spin |
New Fighter's Misery? Oh
yeah, we got it. Today, we're stepping into the
blood-soaked arena of Slaughtersport. This Genesis game
was released by Razorsoft, a company best described as
Rockstar Games' spiritual ancestor. Unlike Rockstar,
however, there was absolutely nothing special about any of
Razorsoft's games, and Slaughtersport was no exception.
You can read more about it here.
After many years of doing
without, I've finally gotten a chance to spend some time with
Sonic CD. It reminds me a lot of the very first Sonic
the Hedgehog on the Genesis, except with a new time travel
play mechanic that adds depth and originality to the
gameplay. You'll need to travel to the past to find your
rival Metal Sonic, wrecking havoc on the local wildlife.
Defeat him and the future becomes a lot brighter, transforming
from a desolate wasteland to a post-modern
paradise.
Some parts of the game haven't
aged well, like the plainly drawn, washed out cartoon in the
attract mode. On the other hand, the time travelling
gives the game a sense of purpose missing from even the newest
Sonic titles, and the crisp redbook audio is a welcome
improvement over the music in the Genesis games.
There are rumors that Sonic CD
will be included in the next Sonic Mega Collection for the
GameCube. Although it should have been on the first
disc, I guess this is one of those instances where it's better
late than never.
| October 1, 2004... Have
You Been Subpoenaed By Atari
Today? |
It's been ages since I've given
the site a respectable update. I'm going to have to
think about adding content to one of the feature pages, like
the Game Boy Advance review index or Fighter's Misery.
Then there's that Space Invaders retrospective, and the
peripherals like the Game Boy Player that I wanted to cover on
the site... there are just so many choices that I don't know
where to begin!
I'll have to decide over the
weekend, I suppose. In the meantime, have you heard
about the controversy surrounding Infogrames, the current
owners of the Atari brand name? They've been handing out
cease and desist letters to classic video game sites faster
than a cheap old lady can hand out bags of pennies to
disappointed kids on Halloween. They haven't threatened
to shut down sites like Atari Age (yet...), but they have
stopped them from selling homebrew games featuring characters
from old Atari titles like Pong and Adventure.
Now I do realize that Infogrames
(not to be confused with the golden breakfast treat that gives
anyone who eats it violent diahrria) has a legal right to stop
these games from being produced, but it does set a rather
frightening precedent. Atari built the foundation for
the video game industry, and any game built on that
foundation, whether created by hobbyists or large
corporations, could be subject to an Infogrames lawsuit.
There's a lot of potential for abuse here... hopefully,
Infogrames will know where to draw the line with its legal
threats. |
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